I continued to petition the Lord for answers.
Where did He lead me?
That's right--to the Book of Jonah!
After reading it through, I sat in the Lord's presence and allowed Him to minister to my heart about something that He'd been, in actuality, speaking to me about for years. Of course, I'd been speaking to Him about it too.
You see, I had been working in my field--Clinical Social Work--for a long time. I'd spent over a hundred thousand dollars training and preparing for this career--NYU is pricey! I had worked in various positions, and areas of focus, trying to determine what could be a good fit for me in this field I had chosen for myself. There was something that had been burning in my heart for as long as I could remember. I knew I had a call on my life to help people. I also knew that I wanted to devote my life to full-time writing as a ministry. I knew I wanted to spend my life writing since the age of seven, only I hadn't known it could be used to glorify God at the time. However, because writing was not considered a real profession, or even a useful talent by those closest to me, I came up with a PLAN B career by the time I hit high school. I decided that since I did enjoy helping people, talking, and solving issues, I would become a therapist to assist those with mental health, substance abuse, or just basic family issues. I decided that I would become the next Doctor Phil, open up a private practice, and get paid--on my time--to help people solve life's problems. I had also decided that I would do that work until my dream of being a writer came true.
Only it didn't.
For over ten years, I did not write. When I did want to write, I couldn't. So I continued to think about writing. I had published some poetry back in 2001, but that was the extent of pursuing my dreams. It seemed as though I was stuck. I had chosen a field as PLAN B, believing I needed to set something up for myself, juuuuust in case PLAN A didn't work out. But guess what? It was the PLAN B that was failing to work out.
It was then I understood why the Lord made sure to put the story of Jonah in my path so many times that day. Apparently Jonah and I had a lot more in common than I could have ever believed.
It states in Jonah 1:3 (NKJV), "1 Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, 2 “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me.” 3 But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa, and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid the fare, and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord."
So here it is that God sent a word to Jonah, placing a divine assignment in Jonah's hands. What does Jonah do? Does he stop and pray to confirm with God his next steps? Nope. Does he admit that he is struggling with the scope and responsibility of the assignment, thus asking the Lord for strength or faith to carry out the plan? Uh uh. Does he even go to the Lord and say, "Lord, I am struggling with this. I don't want to do this. Give me the grace and will to obey." Naw. What Jonah does is decide that his plan is better. So without consulting God about any of his feelings, fears, or even lack of motivation, he simply runs in the opposite direction from where God would have him go, and pursues another plan.
Sound familiar?
Yes, I know it does.
AsI continued reading, I noted, in verses 4-9, that the Lord is forced to react to Jonah's disobedience. It says in verse four, "But the Lord sent out a great wind on the sea, and there was a mighty tempest on the sea, so that the ship was about to be broken up. 5 Then the mariners were afraid; and every man cried out to his god, and threw the cargo that was in the ship into the sea, to lighten the load. But Jonah had gone down into the lowest parts of the ship, had lain down, and was fast asleep. 6 So the captain came to him, and said to him, “What do you mean, sleeper? Arise, call on your God; perhaps your God will consider us, so that we may not perish.” 7 And they said to one another, “Come, let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this trouble has come upon us.” So they cast lots, and the lot fell on Jonah. 8 Then they said to him, “Please tell us! For whose cause is this trouble upon us? What is your occupation? And where do you come from? What is your country? And of what people are you?” 9 So he said to them, “I am a Hebrew; and I fear the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.”"
Have you ever noticed that when you get involved with something, that was not ordained for you by the Lord, a mighty wind will rise up to break up that "ship" that you're riding on? And what do we do? We act just like Jonah--we do whatever it takes to remain on that sinking ship.
What absolutely got to me was the fact that everyone on that ship with Jonah could see...and feel that something just wasn't right about the situation. Everyone else had the sense to be afraid, to want to investigate 'where the trouble was coming from.' And Jonah, who knew God unlike the sailors, could have had the sense to say, "You know what? Maybe I should get off this ship before it sinks and go back from where I came. At the very least, maybe I ought to pause on this journey and have a discussion with God about how I got here and what He feels about it." Jonah, as the follower of God, should have been the one investigating. But what was Jonah doing when everyone else on the ship was trying to find out how to make the trouble stop?
Jonah was down below, sleeping peacefully, fully committed to his journey away from God's will for his life, and fully willing ride out that storm--no matter the cost. It says in verse 5 that while the men--who did not even know God-took the time to cry out to Him, Jonah went down below and was fast asleep.
You ever feel like while everyone seems to have a grasp on the situation, not only are you heading further and further "down below" into your sinking ship--but that you are walking around like you're asleep?
I know I had been feeling that way. I did tell you the rest of that day was a blur, after all.
Moving on.
So after a series of events, Jonah eventually realizes that his actions have not only placed himself in danger, but has placed others in danger. In verses 10-12, Jonah admits what he has done to the Lord. The sailors around Jonah realize that Jonah is the cause of the horrible storm that has placed their lives at risk. They realize Jonah not only served a God Who Is alive, but One Who can take their lives! The men also understand that Jonah had been foolish enough to play games with a God as powerful as that! They question him, asking, "Why have you done this?" (verse 10). They also ask Jonah what is he planning to do about it?
Doesn't is seem like every time we make a mistake that completely alters our lives, and the lives of others, we are faced with those two questions: "Why have you done this?" and "What are you going to do about it?"
Jonah, finally owning up to his actions, tells them to throw him overboard so that the sea would be calm (verse 12). They do, in verse 13. Unfortunately, it didn't help. Even though Jonah's choices had nothing to do with those sailors, his choices still negatively impacted the sailors' lives. It wasn't until the sailors prayed directly to God, for themselves, that God caused the sea to become calm and the sailors were able to reach land safely.
Isn't it amazing the way our choices have such far-reaching consequences that they can still cause trouble long after we're gone? I know of people, who have passed away, that are still causing some trouble in the lives of their children and grandchildren today.
So Jonah has been thrown into the sea. One can assume that Jonah might have been expecting to have to deal with his consequences and drown. But it says in verse 17, that God, in His mercy, "had prepared a great fish to swallow Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights."
Isn't it amazing the way that God had already prepared the whale to swallow Jonah, even before Jonah was thrown overboard into the sea?
I will stop there because that revelation--about God preparing the whale to swallow Jonah--is what God used to change my life. Now it wasn't the first time God had tried to get me to understand this issue, nor was it my first time going to the Lord about it. It was, however, the first time I finally got it. I was given the ability to receive this Word, to have it quickened in my heart by the Spirit of God. Here is what I learned that day:
I was a modern-day Jonah, trapped in the belly of a whale.
Although God had a plan for Jonah--to preach the truth about God to the Ninevites so that God could spare the lives and souls of over one hundred-fifty thousand people, Jonah was unwilling to obey. We all have a call on our lives that many of us have failed to obey. For some of us, it was due to not being willing. For others, it was due to a lack of resources that caused us to make desperate choices. For yet some others, it was the result of one bad choice causing the next bad choice until you are so far from who you are you barely recognize your own name. For people like me, it was due to fear and unbelief. In my decision to pursue a PLAN B, I never even gave God a chance to supply what is needed for His purpose through me to be fulfilled. In fear, I told myself that I needed a PLAN B, "just in case" PLAN A doesn't work.
We all have a PLAN B. Jonah's PLAN B was to take a journey, away from the Lord, and flee to Tarshish because as far as Jonah was concerned, them Ninevites didn't deserve a second chance! My PLAN B was to pursue a career as a mental health clinician "just in case" I never make it as a writer. Either way, we both didn't trust God for whatever was needed to obey His call on our lives. We both ran in the opposite direction.
Like Jonah, I had to learn,after years of being on a sinking ship--in the midst of a raging storm--that the decision I had made was one in desperation. I didn't trust that God could provide the talent, the grace, the connections, the resources, even the heart to face the rejection writers face when trying to build a career. Instead I picked a field out of desperation. I was desperate to make a good living, to make my family proud by getting an education, to be financially independent. I didn't believe that God would have supplied my needs if I had only trusted Him. Although it may not have looked like I planned, if I had gone to the Lord with my needs--rather than creating a PLAN B on my own--He would have done what He promises to do in Proverbs 16:3. In one version of the Word, that scripture says, "Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established (NKJV). In the New International Version, it is written, "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Regardless of how we speak the words, or in this case, how we read them, they are communicating the same message about God: If we feel there is a vision in our minds, or a call on our heart--whatever it may be-- we need to bring the matter before God in prayer. We need to seek God’s will in every area of our life. At every big or small turn, we need to listen for His voice. It says we ought to "commit" our plans, works, etc to the Lord. But what does it mean to commit? More importantly, how does one commit something? Well, I've been taught that committing means to entrust, especially for safekeeping; to commend, to fully give that thing over to God. Before we can do that, however, we have to know God. As we get to know Him, we can begin to trust Him. We can go to Him and share our plans, confirm our visions, and seek His will, as well as His methods, for it being brought to pass. We can come to Him when there is a struggle--perhaps a lack of resources; maybe it is a drastic mistake, or maybe a failure to deliver something. In Jonas's case, he simply didn't like the people he had been called to minister to for their salvation. For me, I simply didn't believe God would do it for me.
But that is the thing about God. As I continued through the story of Jonah, I focused on how God is. I mentioned that God already prepared the whale to swallow him, even though it was Jonah's own fault he ended up going overboard from a sinking sink, I realized God was merciful enough to do it for me as well. I was also on a sinking ship--a career that was being swallowed up by the winds of change and unfulfillment and disillusionment! Like Jonah, I was in a place where my decision to go for PLAN B was ultimately impacting everyone around me in a negative way. Not only was I not feeling fulfilled any longer by my PLAN B, but it was causing me to be so frustrated and weary that it brought about emotional storms around those closest to me. Some days, it took a lot just to be in a half-way decent mood and remember I am a Christian every day. And like Jonah, there were people who were being impacted by my PLAN B who finally came to me and asked, "Why have you done this, Vacirca?" and ultimately, "What are you going to do about it?"
It wasn't until I went "overboard" myself that day that God showed me the truth about His mercy. Jonah went overboard and was about to drown, but God sent that whale to swallow him up. In a sense, God mercifully kept Jonah safe until he was ready to recognize his mistakes and get back on track--albeit a bit with an attitude on Jonah's part. The belly of that whale kept Jonah from drowning in that raging sea, where he had chosen to take his life into his own hands. It kept Jonah from completely killing the purpose God had for his life, in the meantime of it all. It caused Jonah to sit for a while , in that dark place--a pit, if you will--which ultimately caused Jonah to get back on track. Although Jonah did not quite repent for his disobedience at that time, it was while Jonah was in that belly of the whale that he recognized that he had to choose. Either he could do things God's way, or he could simply die in the process of doing it his own way.
In Chapter 2, Jonah prays to the Lord. He says, "4 ‘I have been cast out of Your sight; Yet I will look again toward Your holy temple. 5 The waters surrounded me, even to my soul; The deep closed around me; Weeds were wrapped around my head. 6 I went down to the moorings of the mountains; The earth with its bars closed behind me forever; Yet You have brought up my life from the pit, O Lord, my God." In that place, Jonah was able to sit in the pit for a period of time until he realized how far his disobedience had taken him from God and His plan. Then Jonah is forced to yield by saying, "Those who regard worthless idols forsake their own mercy. 9 But I will sacrifice to You with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay what I have vowed. Salvation is of the Lord."
In verses 8 and 9, Jonah finally was able to do what he should have down in the first place--admit that although he does not like having to deal with people "who regard worthless idols [and] forsake their own mercy" he will do what he was called to do because it all--especially salvation--comes from God.
What was God's response to Jonah's prayer of truth and surrender?
It says in verse 10, "So the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land."
As soon as Jonah was able to sit in that belly of the whale, for a period of time, he was able to arrive to a place where he understood his failures. Once he did, he was then able to go back to God and confess his feelings and surrender to what God was calling him to do. Immediately God placed Jonah on dry land; He took Jonah out of that "pit" and placed his feet back on the path that had been chosen for him.
That dark place--the belly of the whale--was a merciful place for Jonah because God used it to sustain Jonah for as long as it took to get his mind right. It kept Jonah "afloat" until he was ready. And God promises to take things that were purposed for evil and turn it around for good (Gen 50:20; Romans 8:28). He used that experience to not only keep Jonah safe, while he was in a place outside of God's will, but to prepare him for God's will. God could have stopped Jonah from fleeing to Tarshish, in any number of ways, but He did not. Instead God allowed Jonah to step out of His will in a way that ultimately led Jonah to fulfilling God's plan for his life.
All of this revelation, of course, led me to question my own life and career. Was I also--like Jonah--trapped in the belly of a whale?
As I said, repeatedly, I had begun to see my own mistakes. God placed a vision, a plan, and the talent to fulfill it, into my heart from the time I was very young. I loved stories, books, plays, movies so much. I loved reading and loved writing. I wrote my first children's book at age 7 and my first play at age 11. Yet, I did not trust God to bring about His purpose for my career His way. I did not even ask God about the vision in the first place. I decided I wanted to write. I also decided that it would be hard to make a suitable living at it, so I must create a PLAN B that would hold me until PLAN A came to pass. Unfortunately, because I had gone so far outside of God's plan for my vocation, I wasn't producing the type of fruit as a writer that I should have. Although I had gotten fairly successful in my chosen career, I was becoming increasingly miserable. Truth is, I had gotten good at it, but it simply was not what I had been born to do. Worse of all, even though I was helpful to people, and productive, I was spending all of my energy on something that wasn't God's best for my life. The whole point of my entering mental health was to have the type of career that would inspire me to write, and provide the flexibility to write until I could write full time "one day." Unfortunately, the career used up all of my free time, required so much training and late hours, that it actually hindered me from writing at all! God knew this and this is why He reminded me of Jonah's story.
When reading Jonah's story, I realized that God allowed me also to go into the belly of the whale, or rather, my career until I was ready to get to a place to return to Him and allow Him to provide, to bring it to pass His way. Even though I had been operating in unbelief--which, in fact, is a form of disobedience because we are commanded to walk by faith not by sight--God was still protecting me. In the belly of the whale--my job--God kept me from drowning. I was alive, able to draw a paycheck, able to support myself, able to give to church and family/friends, etc. I didn't have to drown in my foolishness and fear,ultimately killing off all hopes of ever getting on track. Like Jonah, being in that dark place ]allowed me to finally come to the realizations of my mistakes, confess to them, and surrender to God in truth, even if it meant saying, "God, help me to trust you for this thing that seems impossible!"
Unfortunately, for me, although it took Jonah three days, it took me over ten years!
And although God did allow both Jonah and myself to be kept safe, to avoid drowning to death in our foolishness, to end up in the belly of the whale because we ran from our situation, it was NOT where God wanted either one of us to be.
Notice, as soon as Jonah prayed about his bad choices to God, and surrendered, God caused that whale to vomit Jonah up out of his belly!
God showed me that although He will, at times, keep us safe in His mercy, He does ultimately want to place us back on solid ground in order to bring us back to the path He has chosen for us.
God desires to release us all from the belly of whatever fish we are trapped within!
Ask yourselves: Are you a modern-day Jonah? Are you trapped in some fish, after being thrown overboard from a sinking ship, you had no business traveling on in the first place?
Have you been trapped in a career you chose, or worse, fell into out of desperation or fear?
Are you in a relationship that God has shown you is not His plan for your life?
Are you afraid or unwilling to go where the Lord wants to send you?
Have you been living in a place where God has already commanded you to move out from right away?
What is the "belly of the whale" you're trapped within?
When will you allow the Lord to bring you up?
Since that day, I had to admit that I had done things my own way. In the last couple of years, God had done the miraculous with my writing. Am I yet where I want to be? No. But that is the consequence of spending years trapped in a career that was far from God's plan--a PLAN B career when God has always shown that He is a PLAN A God. However, my writer's block has been resolved. I've been used to write three, almost four Christian novels, I have been working towards this site and blogs. I have been involved in projects where I could use my writing skills to bring glory to His Name. And it has been one step at a time. God has even given me provision every few months to take months off at a time to focus on the writing. Even recently, I asked God to give me time to finish a novel I've been struggling to find time to finish because of my job and He, once again, worked it out for that job to come to an end and to give me several weeks to finish these things before it may be time for the next job.
Whatever your "belly of the whale" is, just let go for your "Jonah mistake." God promises to restore the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25).
Go back to the Lord and let Him lead you to His best for your life.
Am I the only one? Please share your thoughts.
