Did I Not Tell You To Ask for More?

Scripture

20 Now in the morning, as they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots. 21 And Peter, remembering, said to Him, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree which You cursed has withered away.”

22 So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. 23 For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them (Mark 11:20-24)

20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21)

I get so confused these days.

 

Why? 

Because the devil is a liar.

And my flesh loves to help him out.

I suppose, I should start by saying I am a young Christian—not a newborn, baby Christian—but fairly young, nonetheless.  I came to Christ five years ago, as of September, 2013.  I am no longer a toddler, but not quite mature.  I thank God that through various blessings, trials, testings, refinings, and teachings, I am finally moving from spiritual milk to solid food.  God is still holding my hand—especially when we must cross dangerous territories, but He lets my hand go when I should be able to walk.  Of course, He doesn’t allow me to walk ahead of Him, but I am getting old enough, in Him, to walk with Him.

However, there are times when my faith—or lack of it—takes me back to spiritual milk.

Lately, the Lord has been speaking to me about some amazing things.  In my heart are all sorts of visions, ideas, and plans.  A couple of them are for the present—as I am in the process of them right now.  Most of them, however, are for the future.  Not only are these visions and plans seemingly insurmountable, but the process or journey that God has chosen for me to take, in order to achieve these purposes, are also frightening.  I am not only being called to leave my personal Egypt(s), but He is taking through the supernatural route—with all of the partings of my personal Red Sea(s) included!

It’s not an easy thing to see “Egypt” (or your past) pursuing you, while you are standing in front of a “Red Sea” (barrier or obstacle) that will surely drown you.  I won’t bother to mention that I am not a good swimmer. 

Of course, there ain’t nary a boat in sight.  Or a life raft. 

I certainly do not own a life jacket these days, either.

And unlike the children of Israel, who were able to take all their belongings—as well as tons of gold, jewels, and other “insurance policies,” I am standing at the Sea, waiting to cross, with nothing…

All I have, this time, is Jesus…

He did say take nothing for my journey, after all (see last post).

Yet, at this age, and stage, of my walk, I am fully aware that Jesus can, and has, and will part my “Red Sea.”  I know Jesus will do it in order for me to get to the other side—to my personal Promise Land.  For me, the Promise Land can be my new career in full-time Arts Ministry; it could be seeing every member of my family accept Christ (I believe I am either the only one, or one of two, saved in a huge extended family); or it may be this marriage I have been waiting upon—especially now that I am closer to age 40, than I was last year, when I was 35.

I am aware that Jesus can do all things.

But sometimes I get confused about what to ask of Him.

I know He can do it all. 

I suppose my fear comes in when I wonder should He be even asked to do it all.

And if so, would He do it all for me?

After all, I am the one with so many issues from my past—the mistakes, the deliberate and unintentional sins, the squandering of opportunities, the history of poor stewardship, the laziness, and all of the things that Satan loves to remind me about whenever I do want to believe God for something.

But besides all that condemnation, and unbelief that tries to creep in, sometimes I simply just get confused.

What am I confused about?

Well, lately, I’ve felt confused about what I should ask Christ.  I get confused about if I am entitled to ask certain things of Him—especially after all that He has already done for me, and after all that I’ve already done to Him (grieve Him, disobey Him, and deny Him). 

Okay so the Word says that through Christ, all of my sins have been forgiven.  Great.  Got it.  Good.  “Get thee behind me, Satan!  I am a child of God in Christ!  You’re not about to stand here and put me on trial!”

Yet, I still feel confused.  And it isn’t all of Satan’s fault.  Nor is it the fault of my flesh only.  I think this battle is actually coming from the world this time. 

The confusion comes in when I consider certain pastors and how the Gospel is being viewed when they preach them.  Very recently I have seen in life, online, and on television, people bashing the “prosperity preachers;” or the “name it and claim it” preachers; or the “Jesus is the key to what you want and you don’t have to suffer” preachers.  I am not going to touch on their riches, however.  I know there are many preachers who came into the “Jesus Business” for the money.  However, I am not going to believe that all preachers, who happened to be blessed, did come into it for the money.  I do personally believe God allows some to become wealthy to further the Kingdom and they are still anointed by God.  I would become a hypocrite to say otherwise, because I am a writer of Christian work.  It is my goal to teach through the media and arts, but to become successful while doing so.  If God allows me, for example, to teach through a novel or film(future plan), that makes me a millionaire—does that mean I no longer have Christ in my heart? 

Of course not. 

Ask some of my favorite Christian fiction authors who seem to live on the New York Times Bestseller list! Am I wrong for wanting to have as many people as possible read the work? Am I wrong for praying for the Holy Spirit to choose to use my works, to touch people around the world?  Am I suddenly un-Christian if He chooses to allow those same works to bless me financially in the process of Him using those works?

No.

I was filled with Christ when I was broke, and believe the Holy Spirit will keep me filled with Christ, if God chooses to allow me to become rich.  The only difference is I can give more as a wealthy believer than as one who is struggling—even though God has had me place my last twenty dollars in a collection plate on more than one occasion!!!!

So I don’t touch that topic.  I believe if anyone has a right to become rich, it should be the ones who give their lives to preach the Gospel.  However, I am against the preachers who treat the Gospel as a business.  As it is written, in 2 Corinthians 2:17, “For we are not, as so many, peddling the word of God; but as of sincerity, but as from God, we speak in the sight of God in Christ.”

Why am I bringing that up?

It is because I believe that I—like so many Christians—know the truth.  Faith in Christ does not entitle us to riches, to name and claim, to be free of all problems.  As a matter of fact, sometimes the problems seem to show up after you come to Christ.  After coming Christ,  God begins to allow you to be tested so that “the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7). 

I also believe when one comes to Christ, we are now the enemy of “the enemy.”  He comes after us for sure!  God, of course, allows testing of faith to build perseverance (James 1:3); not to mention endurance, character, and hope (Romans 5:4).

I know as a Christian, these messages of Problem-free-Christianity; or Guaranteed-Riches Christianity; or You-Can-Always-Get-What-You-Want Christianity can kill us all.  Such messages from Prosperity Preachers can be dangerous.  Once a new believer is tested and they see the Christian walk, is not all “Name it and Claim it” or “Seven Steps to Becoming a Millionaire” they may fall away.  Many will end up running out of the Church, screaming that they did not sign up for this at all.  However, since the Bible warns us Christians to keep watch against these wolves in sheep’s clothing, and their beliefs, I do try to do that.  However, I do believe only God can judge the heart of each of His pastors, and our job as the Church, is not to judge them, but to pray for them, and gently admonish those who are blind to the truth.  I do not believe it is our job to judge others who also mistakenly fall victim to the deception preached by Prosperity Preachers.  I do not think we should lump all well-off preachers as Prosperity Preachers, but ask the Holy Spirit to help us to discern the truth.  The devil does seek to divide us and to dull the testimonies of Christ.  I also think, again, we need to gently instruct those who follow the false truth so that they may come into the full knowledge of Christ.  However, I do believe that watching myself so carefully to guard myself against “Prosperity Believing,” has actually caused me to get away from one truth.

God still does desire to bless us with the desires of our hearts.

And I, for one, often feel a bit confused about how much I am allowed to ask God to do or grant me.  I don’t want Him to think I am only looking for His blessings, and not for Him—especially in a world where we cannot determine even which pastor truly loves the Lord.  I certainly do not want my own devotion, and faith in Christ, to be attached to my circumstances.  I mean, I have to be able to love Him when I have money or am flat broke; when I live in the beautiful house and still if it burns down; whether I get the wonderful, Godly husband or end up alone. 

And I came to realize it again today: 

Sometimes, I am afraid to really ask God for what I want.  Sometimes it is because of the condemnation I still feel about my mistakes.  Sometimes it is because I am afraid to be like those who only follow Him for His miracles.  Sometimes it is because I just don’t believe He will do it for me.

So today, I was in prayer.  Lately, I’ve been in deep prayer and fasting regarding my career and ministry.  Not only for the Lord to do it, build it, lead it, but also, to finance it.  However, this morning, it wasn’t about that. 

This morning, the struggle was about my husband.

I woke up feeling a yearning for marriage like I haven’t in a while.  I was surprised because I thought I would have felt it when my YOUNGER brother got married in December, 2013.  I was very happy for my brother—I was one of those petitioning for him and his wife—but I thought I’d feel…something about it.  Yet, I was fine—He kept me.  I thought I’d feel a ways on New Year’s.  Nope.  Perhaps on Valentine’s Day?  Naw, I was good.  My birthday whirled around tossing me into my 36^th year.  Am I surviving?  Yup.  Felt such a joy, two weeks ago, on that day.  It was God, me, and whatever and friends He supplied—not to mention the well-wishes of those who have gotten to know me through the work I’ve done.  I felt blessed.

But this morning…ha!

Miserable yearning for marriage—companionship, the fussing, the dirty socks, the romance, the praying together, the decision-making, the hugs, and all the good and bad that goes into the ministry of marriage. 

So after a conversation with a friend, I went to pray this morning.

I prayed about the usual things.  I worshipped and thanked the Lord.  Then repented and asked for deliverance for any lingering sins that need to be plucked up by the root and cast out.  I prayed for others in intercession.  I prayed for my situation with my career and my finances—decisions in general I need to make.  I prayed about the phone bill I need to pay and I prayed for the salvation of my family.  And then I prayed about and for my future husband.  After praying for the protection, growth, and provision for his family—whoever they may be—I prayed about and for Him.  Here is some of what I said,

“God, please, continue to prepare me for the husband You have for me, Lord.  I pray now that wherever he is, You would continue to draw Him to You, and prepare Him to be a Godly husband and father.  I pray that You would prepare me to be that Queen Esther wife—and that Proverbs 31 wife.  I pray that You would use Him in my life, and use me in his—as you conform us both—as one flesh—to Your image.  I pray that He will love me as I am, even as He helps me to get better; I pray He’d even work out with me, rather than reject me for my flaws such as gaining weight.  I pray I can help with his flaws, rather than hold them against him as well.  I pray for Your best.  In Jesus’ Name.  Thank You for this, Amen.”

You know that prayer, right?  It is one of those general prayers you learn to pray for a husband.  Nothing specific, but the common and safe requests that God requires of most husbands—the ones that God should be able to answer because they are His will, right?

I start to get up and go about the business of the day.

But I sensed the presence of the Lord.

The word Marriage popped into my spirit.

“Lord?” I asked, quickly sitting back down.

He put it into my heart to go first to Mark 11: 22-24.  It is the Scripture about moving mountains and believing that whatever I ask for I will receive.

“I believe it, God…but…”

Then I hear in my heart.

Did I not teach You to ask Me for more?

He leads me back to Ephesians 3:20.

Why have I gotten this Scripture over and over and over again?

And where have I seen this same conversation before?

Hmmmm.

Oh yes!  In my own novel!

God had me write this same message for my character, Jude, who was praying for His wife!

Apparently, although God was using that for me to share with others—it was a message to me as well.

So once I had the revelation.  I felt Him say the following:

Ask Me for exactly what You want for your husband and for your marriage.

Fear.

That’s what I felt as soon as I felt Him tell me to do it.  After all, this question has come up to folks before—for example, King Solomon.  How did he turn out? 

Humph!

So I ask God to help me to ask for the right thing.  I ask the Spirit to align my requests with God’s perfect will because I cannot be trusted and because in the past—

Ask Me for exactly what You want for your husband and for your marriage. 

And that is what He meant.

So I did. 

I laid it out specifically.

It was harder than I could ever imagine.  And I am not sure why.

I know that the Spirit of God opened the door for me to ask, descriptively and specifically, for what I want.

Yet, I am afraid.

Is it that I am afraid to receive it? And fail?

Is it that I am afraid to ask only to be disappointed when He says no?  I mean, it isn’t as though He hasn’t said no before…if He hadn’t said no, we wouldn’t even be discussing this!  I’d been on my tenth year of marriage and third kid by now!

So why am I afraid when He has already shown me that I can ask?

He has already told me “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” in Philippians 4:6.  He not only said to make the request known, but in verse 7, He promises to supply the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds about the situation!

He already has shown me that He can do more than what I can even think to ask (Ephesians 3:20), if it is according to His will. 

And after I prayed, I had to talk to Him about my fear.  I told Him, “Lord, I don’t know why I am afraid to believe for this.  You have already answered thousands of prayers for me and others around me.  I don’t know why I keep thinking I should ask for less, or that You won’t do it.  I think I am afraid to be disappointed.  A lot of people have prayed and it does not turn out the way they thought it would.”

And He had to take me back to Matthew 7:9.  It is written, “Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?”

Have I been again failing to trust that God wants to give me the desires of my heart?  Have I gotten so jaded by the whole shying away from the messages of those prosperity preachers that I have been afraid to want more, for fear my faith be attached to what I receive, rather than Him?

Have I forgotten the promises of God?

Have I forgotten that “all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us”? (2 Corinthians 1:20).

All morning, after all this, I kept hearing the same scripture over and over. 

“God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: has he said, and shall he not do it? or has he spoken, and shall he not make it good?”

Number 23:19 is telling me that I, in my unbelief, which God has been telling me about—over and over again—is making God out to be a liar!

I am actually sinning against God by limiting Him, by not trusting that He does love me enough to grant me the desires of my heart—as long as they are His will.  And, not only that, He is so loving, that He causes His Holy Spirit to make our desires align with His will as we learn to surrender.

So as long as I am asking God’s will—which all can be found in the Word of God—then I haven’t a reason to believe that He will not do what He promises to do.

And I have no reason to be ashamed for wanting it.  Just because some people out there do preach only on the blessings of God—rather than the walk with God—doesn’t mean I have to forget about the blessings while I walk with God.

As long as I understand that it won’t always be what I want, and when I want it, because God is Sovereign—and knows what is best for us—I can trust His promises.  As long as I delight myself in Him (not just answers to prayers or rescue from trouble), then He is willing to grant the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). 

As long as I am truly seeking His Kingdom, and His righteousness first, He will add things to me (Matthew 6:33).

And as long as there is a Jesus Christ, Who died on the Cross, there is Grace—unmerited favor—that God is willing to bless us with as long as we put Him first and ask according to His will, His Word, and His ways.  As it says in Hebrews 4:16, “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

I am in need.  I am in need.  I am in need.

I admit it.

And it will take some time to fight through any unbelief in my own heart—that can creep in after waiting years for something.  But I thank God, I can come to the Spirit and confess unbelief and doubt and ask Him to assist me in believing Him. 

What are you trying to believe God for today?  Is it for your spouse to come? Is it a change in your existing marriage?  Is it that baby you’ve been trying for ten years to have?  Is it a new job? Your family members’ salvation?  To be debt-free?

Even as I am called to write this today for you, I am struggling too.  But this is the prayer, I have been given to pray:

Prayer for Today (before You pray specifically for your requests):

Father, I thank You, that we can come to You in a right perspective.  It is not because of us knowing how, but because of Your Spirit drawing us into a deeper understanding of Who You Are, and How You are.  I confess that I often read Your Word, and still falter, when it is time to believe for myself—especially for things I have been waiting a long time to see come to pass.  I confess unbelief, doubt, fear, resentment, and distrust—even after everything You have already done.  Please forgive me.  Holy Spirit, please increase my faith and trust—not just in Your promises, miracles, and answered prayers.  Please increase my faith, trust, and delight in You.  As I approach Your throne daily—and especially when there is urgent need—please help me to obey Your Word and approach You with boldness in Christ.  Help me to do all that which Christ died to allow me to do—to approach you, to make the request known, and to believe You for it.  I pray that You always align my desires and requests with Your perfect will.  If it is something not of You, cause that desire to end.  However, help me to trust You for more and to believe that You desire to bless me more than even I desire to be blessed.  I pray that You be glorified in my life and continue to draw me closer to You.  Thank You for being an approachable God, in Christ, and thank You, Holy Spirit for teaching me faith and how to pray with it. Holy Spirit, please lead my prayer in accordance to the perfect will of God in Christ.  Father I come to You, to request________________________ (make your request known).

And let it be done with thanks in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen and Amen.